生死異聞錄

九月的時候報名了一級日文檢定，我現在可以肯定的是絕對不會過！

從7月以來一直有一連串的事情發生，我也沒有什麼心情去準備日文檢定考試。也有可能是一開始我就沒有抱持什麼希望了吧，畢竟我在二級就是低空飛過的，事實上我真的有很厲害嗎？我自己有幾斤幾兩重我清楚得很。

至少我原本希望在今年考上二級的目標已經達成了，原本我不確定可以只花半年就考上二級的。

讓我操心的事情太多了，就算我坐下來了，我也沒有辦法像以前一樣，閉關大門不出二門不邁地做著考古題，去年的這個時候，我應該已經做完了七年的三級檢定考古題和練習題，但是現在我連文法都沒有背完。

我還有心嗎？還是我就以二級為滿足了呢？

現在有比考試更重要的事情，我就沒辦法把考試放在第一位了。

我的力量漸漸地在流失了。

我好累，好累，真的好累。有一種快要掛掉的感覺。
我到底還要這樣下去多久？

I won't forget this year forever because too many things happened in this year. I should prepare for my future to avoid charges coming probably. People always seek and work for themselves due to selfish. Maybe I should do so.

I took off the key ring and changed the wallpaper to leave the memories behind but it just cheated myself. If fact, I attached too much importance to something not belong to me. Take it seriously.

I know what I was doing is for nothing. Like a shadow.

Michael Jordan said that he missed shooting a game buzzer beater more than 27 times. It's so cruel for me in real life. I had tried very hard and swore to protect these important things around me but I still failed again. I feel very frustrated.  I don't know what I am fighting or seeking for. Just like lost a part of my body.

I'm not a man likes to control or limit others' lives. I just want to take care everything I placed importance on. I have own ideas but I don't want to place it to anybody. I am still trying to balance these. I will be learning and improving continually.

人在脆弱的時候，只要輕輕一碰，就會被擊倒。

應該，就是像我現在這樣子吧。我就是在這種脆弱的狀態，只要輕輕一擊，就會不知道被打到哪裡去。然後，故意裝作堅強，因為如果連假裝堅強都做不到的話，我就不知道要怎麼過日子了。

我想找到為何而戰的理由，可是我卻身在高山之上，找不到下山的路。